Do I stress you out?
I stress me out.
I'm so far gone my shirt is one backward and inside out.
I can't help but reach inside your thoughts,
Feeling my way through the rows and columns of your mind
I don't mean to pick you apart;
sometimes I can't help it.
Slap my mind awake, and
and reopen my mind with a fistful of light, that
would knock me to the floor if I wasn't already there
Bring a gentle wave
to calm the angry voice in my head.
I'm suppressed by nothingness
Spit me out before I die.

Pockets Full of Glass

I step into the mirror of my mind, and

walk into?

Here I am on the floor, 'This carpet feels great!'

I remember this thought, this trip.

How is this - it's all so real.

One candy-coloured pill and tiny piece of paper made things seem so grand

Colours, I tasted. Sounds, I smelled.

This new world was glorious until it wasn't.

Coming down is never fun; but this,

This killed something in me.

Acrid tastes and smells overwhelmed my being

Everything I touched seared my flesh

My lungs rejected the very air I needed.

All I could think was, 'This is worth it, I'll go again on Wednesday.'

As the memory grew in intensity I -

shattered. Feeling nothing.

Watching on as I writhed and screamed in agony.

Now I'm -

in a bathroom, clutching the sink

Dead face. Dead eyes. Knuckles betraying my lack of expression.

Good thing I was home alone, needles in my arm - that door doesn't lock i think.

One, then two, three, too many?

I just wanted to feel something, anything

My heart was filled with nothing, it cried out in vain.

My pin cushioned arm in awe it left me

Eleven needles I counted,

None healing in the least my stone cold heart

'Oh, wait, there's blood now.'

As I methodically pulled each needle from my arm

I smeared it on the mirror smiling

This is beautiful, but

pity a mirror showed more than I ever could.

Something in my head was hysterical now

As it recalled what happened next.

Again, I was no more.

Hovering about myself I looked on -

I was crumpled on the ground

broken bottle in hand,

Blood pooling around it.

I looked at the hand of now -

No scars. And -

Off I was again. Where am -

Oh. Here. The roof.

The roof where so much has happened.

Night of the lightning storm this was

I stepped into the me of the past

Emotion flooded into me

More than I felt in surrounding months.

This summer night was cool and still

'Cept for the bats that flew around me

and the lone slug creeping along.

And then it rained. It fell without thought, and

I acted as such,

As the rain threatened to slide me from the roof

I stayed immobile, until -

I screamed. The rain edged me on;

It fell with increasing force, I was the rain.

Lightning danced angrily across the sky.

I screamed again. The raindrops hurt.

Everything within me cried out in -

Frustration? Anger? Despair? I don't know.

I screamed until my head felt light,

My lungs burned, my throat felt raw.

The sudden emotional onslaught racked my body.

Without realising , I hit and rubbed the roof, until

my knuckles and palms were grazed and burning.

I didn't care. Exhausted and exhilarated I lay back,

raindrops stinging my face. Yet calm I was.

the last sheet of rain sounded like a broken mirror, and

I'm in my mind again. It was all the same mirror

The portal to my always intense memories

I was where I always was:

In bed breathing heavily. 

Heart thumping irregularly in my chest.

Pupils dilated.

Hands clutching the sweat-soaked sheet.

A Song with More Than Four Chords

Frigid wind on ailing lives

Darkness quietly surrounds the broken souls

Mellow serenades between beating hearts

Transformed into bitter symphonies

Far beyond the dust-covered skies

Cupid has lost his romancing arrows

Now playing sonorous tunes on his bow

Dedicated to all the breaking hearts

The winds and trees create their own song

Sounds of sweet sorrow all 'round

Faded hopes, submerging inner lust

Life slowly decays

As the last.

Beat.

Sounds.

She Was Beautiful in the Quiet Way that Lonely, Unnoticed People Are Beautiful to Those Who Notice Them

My hair as dark as I feel sometimes,
I walk around with my life in a locket.
My locket is all that I know.
All feelings and secrets I hold dear dangle from a single threaded necklace.
Each day I add something new,
something is taken away.
I'm constantly changing
I can't remember who I was yesterday
or if I was yesterday at all.
Living silently among the throngs
I desire the company of few.


Clutching my locket I retreat to my world
It's the only place I truly enjoy, for now.
Here I can just... Be.
This is where I open the locket
its contents spilling over and under my thoughts.
Memories, dreams, everything I have ever felt is here.
Laying by the stream inside me I want to bring him here,
Should I? He's seen it in part, but
what will he think of this place of my creation?
Un jour. Un jour, il verra.


As the locket halves close I drift away from my world
returning to the crowded place I was.
Opening my eyes I'm swinging again
The wind rushing around my ears,
My raven hair dancing around my head
My lips curve into a smile, on the inside.
I make a pendulum of myself
and I almost forget.
I almost forget I'm not comfortable here.
There's nothing except...


I cling to my necklace willing myself to drift again.
This locket,
It's shaped like a heart,
but mine doesn't look quite like this, I think.

We'll Become Silhouettes

Bored with love, and

its passionless limbs

draping over my head

with the stench of impotence, and

while wearing the same red heart

my soul picked up hitchhiking

in search of serendipity.

Alone in togetherness

strange as it sounds, 

trying to build dreams, but

nothing can tie us together

if our hearts wish to be solitary.

All the vows clichéd

fading away forever

like meaningless words do.

All we've become:

another pair of soulless shadows.

And we wonder why

the roses are dying.

More Than A Prison

There's a girl in the attic locked in with black lies
Her shattered fears only disorient her -
Is this place real? Or is it imagined
Was this forced upon her, did she create it herself?
The longer she stays the more difficult it is to remember -
Who she is, what is this, where is she


The questions are too much - blocked out they become
Wave after suicidal wave consume her leaving her broken on the floor
Each breath making her feel more than she wishes to
Every breath of night touching her bone
The voices, they whisper. Telling her things she would have never said
There's a heart crying out somewhere, faintly familiar


But instead she stays in the attic, she's grown comfortable perhaps
In the depths of her mind something's nagging - something's not quite right
A part of her longs for the day it is free


But what's this? Is that a ray through the curtain?
The dawn of... what? What is this?
Not what she would have thought.
This isn't her wanting what she had
This is wanting something more

Everything has its price, quite cliche isn't it?

But I think it holds true


She didn't lock herself away from the world -
She locked it away from her
The world is a place full of nothing, very little at most
To become separate from the world, she had to remove herself from it
The recreation of self could only be done alone
It's never really over is it?
She will constantly add and take things away
All for what? For herself really
She will always change and remain the same
Trying to be better than what she is
If she can't improve herself,
Well she'd just have to kill herself, won't she?
I know this girl, sometimes too well other times not at all
She is everything and nothing that she wants to be
I suppose I should take responsibility for this girl that is me.

Call It What You May

We're all addicted to something
that one Those few vices, you know?
Of course you do, even if you won't admit it.
You know the one - the one that makes you feel something.
It's not only an escape we seek
We want something to run towards as well.
In a place with so little to give, we take what we can
He wants to stop but doesn't know how
He thinks the things we enjoy will wreck us all
I don't care. It's all I had anyway.
Leave me with the paradise of my powder
Euphoria of my injections
The highs from my smoke
The smell of our choice medication; self-medication
Back and forth he goes
Should I? Shouldn't I?
Tonight? Shall I inhale the smoke?
Should I let the speed run through my veins?
Will I feel the tingle of blow on my gums?
Could play that game and feel no guilt:-
Button, button, who's got the button?
I say fuck what they say
Does it make you happy?
Of course it does
What do they do for you anyway?
This struggle consumes him
Don't give him that look.
For you are no better than he
We all choose our own adventure
(I remember those books as a kid)
Ah yes, when life was simple and
The world was something grand.
I know better now.
I found what takes me away from the ills life passes on
Why don't you?
If it's not something, it's someone and you know it
We laugh at people like you
Those who don't understand
You who don't see -
The very thing you rely on,
Someone else is judging you for.