Pockets Full of Glass

I step into the mirror of my mind, and

walk into?

Here I am on the floor, 'This carpet feels great!'

I remember this thought, this trip.

How is this - it's all so real.

One candy-coloured pill and tiny piece of paper made things seem so grand

Colours, I tasted. Sounds, I smelled.

This new world was glorious until it wasn't.

Coming down is never fun; but this,

This killed something in me.

Acrid tastes and smells overwhelmed my being

Everything I touched seared my flesh

My lungs rejected the very air I needed.

All I could think was, 'This is worth it, I'll go again on Wednesday.'

As the memory grew in intensity I -

shattered. Feeling nothing.

Watching on as I writhed and screamed in agony.

Now I'm -

in a bathroom, clutching the sink

Dead face. Dead eyes. Knuckles betraying my lack of expression.

Good thing I was home alone, needles in my arm - that door doesn't lock i think.

One, then two, three, too many?

I just wanted to feel something, anything

My heart was filled with nothing, it cried out in vain.

My pin cushioned arm in awe it left me

Eleven needles I counted,

None healing in the least my stone cold heart

'Oh, wait, there's blood now.'

As I methodically pulled each needle from my arm

I smeared it on the mirror smiling

This is beautiful, but

pity a mirror showed more than I ever could.

Something in my head was hysterical now

As it recalled what happened next.

Again, I was no more.

Hovering about myself I looked on -

I was crumpled on the ground

broken bottle in hand,

Blood pooling around it.

I looked at the hand of now -

No scars. And -

Off I was again. Where am -

Oh. Here. The roof.

The roof where so much has happened.

Night of the lightning storm this was

I stepped into the me of the past

Emotion flooded into me

More than I felt in surrounding months.

This summer night was cool and still

'Cept for the bats that flew around me

and the lone slug creeping along.

And then it rained. It fell without thought, and

I acted as such,

As the rain threatened to slide me from the roof

I stayed immobile, until -

I screamed. The rain edged me on;

It fell with increasing force, I was the rain.

Lightning danced angrily across the sky.

I screamed again. The raindrops hurt.

Everything within me cried out in -

Frustration? Anger? Despair? I don't know.

I screamed until my head felt light,

My lungs burned, my throat felt raw.

The sudden emotional onslaught racked my body.

Without realising , I hit and rubbed the roof, until

my knuckles and palms were grazed and burning.

I didn't care. Exhausted and exhilarated I lay back,

raindrops stinging my face. Yet calm I was.

the last sheet of rain sounded like a broken mirror, and

I'm in my mind again. It was all the same mirror

The portal to my always intense memories

I was where I always was:

In bed breathing heavily. 

Heart thumping irregularly in my chest.

Pupils dilated.

Hands clutching the sweat-soaked sheet.